Tips For That First Date: TEEN & STUDENT INFORMATION

Tips For That First Date: TEEN & STUDENT INFORMATION 

Advice when entering someone’s home for the first time

Being alone with someone else, especially strangers

Swapping Addresses or Phone Numbers

Date Rape

Rape

What to do if you’re attacked

Are there any organisations that help men with a history of violence ?

Drink, Drugs & Fights

When to Contact The Police

I’m not being harassed but I want the Police to know about something, so what can I do ?

Advice when entering someone’s home for the first time

Being alone with someone for the first time may be exciting but it can also make you feel a little nervous.

· It is sensible to be cautious. 

· Ensure that you tell someone where you’re going and with whom.

· Arrange to call this friend to check in when you arrive and as you leave – or by an agreed time.

If your friend doesn’t hear from you by the agreed time, they can then decide whether or not to contact the Police and ask them to check up on your safety.

· A genuine friend won’t mind how many precautions you take.

When you arrive:

· Check whether anyone else is there – especially if you expect to be alone with your host.

· Make a mental note of the layout when you arrive.

· Check your exit routes in case of fire or fear.

· Let your host know that someone is waiting to hear from you, knows where you are and who you’re with, by name. Your host now knows that someone else is looking out for your safety. 

· Observe your surroundings to ensure it’s their home or whether it’s a place used for seduction/sex !

· If you feel uncomfortable, make an excuse and leave quickly.

· Call to check in – as pre-arranged.

Being alone with strangers

Be especially careful if you invite a stranger into your home.

NEVER give your address to someone you’ve just met – however charming he/she may seem. Get to know and trust them.

· Love yourself enough to take time to get to know a person on neutral territory (out in public) – eg. a cafe, with friends etc.

· It’s safer, but not foolproof, if they’re already known to someone you know well, who can vouch for their good character.

· NEVER invite a stranger into your home, even for coffee, until you feel safe and secure with them.

Swapping Addresses or Phone Numbers

Don’t give your address or phone number to someone you don’t know without thinking of the consequences.

· Make sure you’re not overheard when giving out details in public – eg. shop, club, etc.

In the wrong hands, your address and telephone number could be used to commit crime – either in your name (!) or with you as a victim of crime.

· Don’t accept things from strangers or casual acquaintances.

It is unwise to accept from strangers:

· A drink. It may be laced (mixed) with a date rape drug or other drug.

· Chewing gum. It may be laced with LSD/speed.

· Ecstacy. It may be laced with heroin.

· Cigarettes (or spliffs or joints). They may be laced with cocaine and/or heroin.

· Viagra. Unless you’re being treated for impotence, it may seriously affect your erectile function. It MUST only be used under medical supervision since it interacts badly with some other drugs and could be fatal. 

Date Rape

Be aware of date rape drugs.

A certain type of man may plan to rape (force someone to have sex without consent) before they leave home, and take date rape drugs with them.

· Stranger rape, when the attacker is unknown to the victim, is what most people associate with rape.

· Date rape is when someone you know and feel you can trust, rapes you.

Date rape and acquaintance rape (not a stranger but not someone you know well) is far more common than stranger rape.

· Men (gay or straight) are also at risk of rape and sexual assault.

Drugs such as roofies, (Rohypnol) or another type of mind-altering drug, are slipped into your drink.

In the dark, you’ll be unaware of any change in the colour or taste of your drink.

· The change of colour – which shows blue in a light coloured drink – takes 20 minutes.

· By which time, you’ll probably have consumed it, anyway.

Their method of operation is to lead you away to a lonely corner – eg. toilet or car park – or even perhaps go home with you or invite you to their place.

· The drugs make you fall asleep.

· You could be raped and, because you’d be so sleepy, you wouldn’t remember much about the incident (or them).

· The drugs have an amnesic (loss of memory) effect. You’d wake up to realise something’s not right and may feel that you’ve been raped.

· Some rapists even wear a condom, in an attempt to conceal (hide) evidence.

If you see anyone slip something into a drink, you MUST first report it to the nightclub security AND the Police. If they suspect rape, they will arrange for a medical examination, emergency contraception and Sexually Transmitted Infection (STI) advice and check up as soon as possible.

Even if you don’t want an examination or aren’t sure what happened but feel you may have been raped, it’s important to get to the Police within 24 hours (or as soon as possible) after feeling odd (or as if you’ve been raped) to have a special blood or urine test. This will be used as evidence and will help the Police find your attacker.

Rape

There are three types of rapist:

· stranger rapist.

· acquaintance rapist.

· date rapist.

It’s an alarming fact that more rapes are carried out by men known to their victims than by strangers.

· Usually, rapists are unpredictable bullies of any shape, size, colour or creed.

· Many are good looking, likeable and often, charming men. Indeed they may be the last person you’d think would ever need to rape a woman.

Rape has little to do with sex. It has far more to do with exerting power and control over another person.

· They get off on terrorising their victim.

· Some don’t accept they’ve done anything wrong – and spend years in denial.

· Many are very devious conmen.

· Many excuse their behaviour by saying that their victim was ‘up for it’ (ready for sex) – ie. by their suggestive clothing or actions – and cried rape after the event.

Some men are not confident about their sexuality. They may even believe it’s their right to have sex with someone who flirts innocently with them, goes out for a meal or spends time alone with them.

· They don’t stop to think how they would feel if their mother, sister or even their son or daughter was the victim.

Every victim has a mother – as does every attacker.

· Few men are rapists. But any man could rape and any woman could be raped.

Male rape happens too.

· Men need to be equally aware.

· No matter how big and strong you are, you’d be weak against a gang intent on rape.

Female or male – no one has the right to force another person to do ANYTHING against their will.

Sadly, in some inner city areas, gang rape – rape by more than one man – appears to be increasing, so be vigilant.

What to do if you’re attacked

If you’re ever sexually assaulted or raped, DO tell the Police.

· Remember, however terrified you may be, your attacker WILL strike again.

· He could kill his next victim.

· An attacker must be caught and stopped.

· Give the Police all they need – eg. clothing, bedding, towels etc. used during or straight after the incident – as soon as possible.

This will help secure a conviction and other people will be safe from your attacker.

Note: It is a serious offence to accuse someone of rape without justification.

Are there any organisations that help men with a history of violence ?

Yes. There are a few excellent organizations that can help men with a history of violence. They specialise in helping men who have a history of violence either towards their partner or who hate women, despite an outward display of adulation.

Whatever excuse you use for losing your temper, which leads to violence – eg. alcohol, drugs, history of abuse or simply something someone does to upset you, you should NEVER take your anger out on others.

You may think you’ve got to appear big and tough but remember, it takes a big man to admit he has problems and a bigger man to seek help in dealing with them.

· Be brave, pick up the phone and get help before it’s too late. 

Drink, Drugs & Fights

Unprotected sex is often a consequence of too much alcohol – so don’t have too much – or mix types of alcohol.

· Getting drunk means you’re likely to take more risks and go home with someone to whom you’d not normally be attracted.

When a person is under the influence of drink, drugs or both, they lose their inhibitions, and common sense. They often get carried away sexually – taking more risks. They then worry about pregnancy and/or infection the next day !

· Don’t leave your drink at a table or at the bar when you go to dance.

· It’s safer to drink from a can or bottle.

· Keep your drink with you at ALL times so it can’t be ‘spiked’ (a drug slipped into it without you realising). Someone may do this for ‘fun’ but it is a criminal offence. Also, they are unlikely to know your medical history or whether you are taking any medication. They could find themselves facing serious criminal charges – for example, murder, attempted murder or manslaughter if you react seriously to the combination and collapse.

In addition – alcohol mixed with some drugs can cause serious complications – and could be fatal.

So, if you put your drink down or leave it – even with a friend – don’t touch it again. Buy a new drink from the bar.

If you’re involved in a fight and blood is drawn, assume you’re at risk of catching hepatitis and seek medical advice within 24 hours. 

When to Contact The Police

It’s important to contact the Police for several reasons:

· Harassment is a crime and is against the Law. The Law is there to protect you – stand firm and use it to protect yourself.

· Most bullies are basically cowards and if they are not stopped they will continue to frighten more victims.

· Sometimes, just realising that a victim refuses to be bullied any more – even if it means they have asked the Police to help them – the bully stops his disgraceful behaviour.

· You may also need support from friends or family but don’t let a bully – of any description – get away with intimidating you.

I’m not being harassed but I want the Police to know about something, so what can I do ?

You can ring Crimestoppers on their freephone number 0800 555 111 (UK).

· You can call your local emergency services telephone number.

· You can call into your local – or a different – Police Station.

· You don’t need to give your name.

· Your call could help to protect other people.

· Your call could prevent a crime.

· You could receive a cash reward.

© Helen Knox – 1999 – Extract from SEXplained 2… For Young People and its update, Sexplained Two – For Changing Times 2014