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I want him to wear a condom

I want him to wear a condom

COULD YOU help me come up with a way to tell my friend that I would like him to wear condoms. We have been together for a long time, so I really need to know a good way to ask him to do this? – S

Dear S,

This can be tricky!

You could simply tell your partner that this is what you want to do, from now on. But how will he react? I guess that is your dilemma.

It’s a question you will have to discuss together and examine your reasons for asking, very honestly.

Introducing this question into your relationship for other reasons can be extremely difficult and can be loaded with emotional connotations.

You could explain that you may have been advised or wish:

* To change from other methods of contraception to condoms for medical reasons;

* To use protection in addition to the pill;

* To take a rest from the responsibility of birth control and want to pass this to your partner;

* Because it’s now routine practice for Family Planning staff to recommend a Double Dutch approach – that is, use condoms plus another method of birth control – plus the routine use of extra spermicide.

* Your furnishings stay drier after sex, as the ejaculate is contained within the condom!

From your partner’s perspective, the implications of your move would be questioned. He would want to know if you’re saying:

* I don’t trust you to be faithful.

* I want to be unfaithful and use condoms with you, too – just in case I catch an infection and bring it back home. It’s a good idea, just in case either of us is unfaithful.

* I trust you and hope you really trust me. If we use condoms routinely, you’ll have more peace of mind and feel safer (just in case you don’t really trust me but don’t know how to tell me).

* I’d like us to use them so I can relax and feel that you feel safer with me.

Whatever the reason behind the question, you need to consider the following:

Should you make an absolute promise to remain faithful to each other and be honest, before either of you is unfaithful?

If you do, this would give you the chance to get your relationship back on course and avoid the so-called need to be unfaithful, and the associated emotional hurt and pain.

Should you go for a full sexual transmitted infection check-up together, realise the implications of unfaithfulness, and have an equal fear of the other’s potential of being unfaithful?

Then, do you let that fear keep you faithful to your partner because of how you would feel if they were unfaithful to you, and put your health at risk?

If both of you are tested and know you are fine, and then decide not to use condoms, you are still trusting that your partner will always be faithful to you. However, as much as we may not like to think they are not, it is always possible that they, or you may have an affair, use a condom but something goes wrong.

Many people assume that it’s fine to have unsafe sex with their regular partner, but have safer sex with a casual partner. If you have the slightest niggling doubt that this could ever happen, then start using condoms.

You only have one life – protect it.

 

When can we have sex again? I can’t wait much longer…

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Site owner: Author of Sexplained Books – Nurse Specialist in Contraception and Sexual Health, UK

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