First-time sex romp with risky result
I’M really worried and urgently need your advice. I had intercourse with a prostitute – something I never did before – and the condom burst. When it burst she felt it and managed to push me off so I did not come in her. But I am really scared that in those few seconds of exposure, I could have contracted something.
The only thing that gives me hope is how she questioned me after it happened because she was scared of contracting something from me. Only a clean woman would behave like that I figure.
I went to the pharmacy for some 500s (antibiotics) but was told I should not use these willy nilly. So I’m stuck. I don’t want to have sex with my wife because I might give her something, and I can’t get anything to use just in case I got something. What do you advise? – HB
Oh dear! And I must remark, what a common situation, too! I could say ‘men and their Willys will always wander if they think they can get away with it’ but I think you have just found out that there’s getting away with it in one way (by not getting caught at the time), but most certainly not always in another!
In a strange way, I think you might actually be safer having gone with a ‘working girl’ than if you’d casually picked up a woman in a club or some other social situation, who may not have insisted on you using a condom.
In their defence, prostitutes are selling sex to earn a living, be they male or female sex workers. It is not in their best interest to contract or pass infections, even though some will agree not to use a condom in return for charging more money. That’s rather short-sighted in my opinion!
Contracting infections would put a sex worker out of business for the duration of treatment, if not indefinitely, and that’s not going to put food on their child’s plate or pay the rent.
So, I agree with your assumption in general, although there’s always the chance that she might BE infected with something and not want to contract anything else on top of that!
I suspect the former, though, as it’s her line of business and she needs to keep as safe as she can. She may be married and not want to pass an infection to her husband, particularly if he is blissfully unaware of how she earns her spending money! (this happens more than you would believe!)
There is only one thing you can and should do in this situation. Go and get tested properly. Either go to your doctor or a sexual health clinic; or see a doctor privately if you don’t want to see someone you know.
If you’ve contracted something, worrying about it or self-medicating is not the answer. You need a proper diagnosis and correct treatment, if necessary, not any old antibiotic in the hope that it might zap any bugs that may have been passed.
Each infection requires a different treatment and antibiotics are useless against viral infections.
They only work against bacterial infections if the bug they are trying to zap is sensitive to the treatment; that is, the bugs will die when they meet and the course of treatment is taken correctly, to the end, as prescribed, even after you start to feel better.
A half taken course of treatment is as worthless as not taking any in the first place, for the bacteria are only ‘stunned’, not killed and when they wake up they are even harder to eradicate!
Although it may be tempting to have sex as your wife may wonder what’s going on when you don’t try, you are doing the best thing by avoiding her, getting checked and treated, rather than putting her health potentially at risk.
However, for HIV, there is a three month ‘window period’ before an antibody test is reliable, during which you won’t know if this encounter has passed you ‘the big one’. Other tests can detect HIV Antigen a few weeks earlier, but may not be available where you are.
You’ll need a week or two for most of the bacterial infections to be easily detectable after transmission. The bugs passed across need a little time to replicate and take hold, which is one reason why, if a test is taken too soon after possible transmission, a false negative result may occur.
Take a deep breath, make your appointment, go get tested, and if necessary, treated, then keep yourself zipped up in the future between trips out, and play only at home!
I could go on about how to use a condom correctly but I will do that another day – for now, check the instructions which come in each pack of condoms and learn the skill of using them correctly in future.
I suspect that as you do not use them at home, you are a bit of a novice with them, hence the failure this time.
You are lucky she spotted the change of sensation. It’s not always evident, at all. Congratulations to the lady in question!
Good luck and fingers crossed you escaped additional complications after this escapade!
(item first published in Better Health Magazine, Barbados)